How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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