It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Is Oprah even human
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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