tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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