Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
