I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
