I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
