hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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