At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
