And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
