I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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