yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
