I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
