I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
