I feel great
I just peed on a car
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
no you cant smoke seaweed
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
