Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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