just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
