he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I look better un-naked...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
