then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
