could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
