Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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