I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
