My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
