I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
