your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
