I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
