Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
