I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
