Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
