Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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