I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So vagazzling was a success
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
