Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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