His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Randomize
