I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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