My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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