if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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