Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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