He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
