So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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