Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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