all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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