man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
