just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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