It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
