i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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