You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
