Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize