As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
