I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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