i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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