i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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