just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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