I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
