My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
