Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
