I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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