She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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