guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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