I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
