when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
