I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
