kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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