it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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