You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
