Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
