We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
