My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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