my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
